Soft, But Firm: The Secret Parenting Sauce (That Keeps Us From Screaming into a Pillow)
At Evergreen Explorers Preschool here in Olympia, WA, we see you. Yes, you — the parent who’s had a full-blown negotiation with a toddler over wearing pants. Or the one who’s calmly said “we don’t throw food” for the 47th time before 10 a.m. You're doing amazing, and also, you're probably just a few Cheddar Bunnies away from a meltdown yourself.
We get it — parenting is beautiful, magical, and occasionally bananas. And when your 2-year-old is yelling “NO!” in your face because you had the audacity to offer them the cup they actually asked for, you might wonder: Is there a better way to guide this small, loud human?
Spoiler: There is. And it’s all about being soft, but firm.
What Does “Soft, But Firm” Even Mean?
Think Mary Poppins meets a bouncer at a nightclub.
We’re talking kindness with boundaries, empathy with expectations, and love with limits.
Being soft is listening to your kid’s feelings, acknowledging their big emotions, and offering hugs even when you want to hide in the pantry with chocolate. Being firm is saying “I love you AND you still can’t hit your sister with the dinosaur.”
This approach is the magic middle ground between giving in and going full drill sergeant. And the best part? It actually works.
Why Kids Need Boundaries (Even If They Scream About Them)
Kids might act like they want total freedom, but research shows otherwise. According to the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard, children flourish in environments where they experience structure, predictability, and responsive care — AKA, “I know the grown-up is in charge, even if I scream ‘YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!’ at least once today.”
Studies show that kids with consistent boundaries and respectful discipline:
✅ Develop better emotional regulation (Eisenberg et al., 2005)
✅ Are less likely to engage in problem behavior
✅ Build stronger executive functioning skills — like impulse control and problem-solving (Diamond & Lee, 2011)
So next time you repeat, “It’s time to clean up” while holding back tears and Legos underfoot, just know — your calm, firm tone is actually wiring their brain for success.
Use Your “Adult Voice” (Even When You Want to Use Your “Sarcastic-Tired-Human Voice”)
When we say “adult voice,” we don’t mean loud or scary — we mean calm, confident, and clear. That tone of voice that says: “Yes, I’m the grown-up here. Yes, I still love you. And no, you may not lick the wall.”
Instead of asking, “Do you want to get in the car now?” (spoiler: they don’t), try:
➡️ “It’s time to get in the car. Would you like to hop like a bunny or march like a dinosaur?”
Boom — boundary set, meltdown dodged (or at least delayed till snack time).
Soft Builds Trust. Firm Builds Respect. Tantrums Build Character. (Mostly Yours)
At Evergreen Explorers, we meet kids where they are emotionally — whether they’re calmly stacking blocks or sobbing because someone else got the blue shovel. We acknowledge feelings (“You’re really upset right now”), set boundaries (“I won’t let you throw toys”), and offer safe, playful ways to cope.
And when a child absolutely loses it? We don’t shame or punish — we stay grounded, stay kind, and stay the adult(even if we want to scream into a stuffed animal). Because when kids know we won’t fall apart, they can safely figure out how to keep themselves together.
Come Hang Out With Us (We Even Have Snacks!)
At Evergreen Explorers Preschool, we don’t expect perfection — from kids or parents. What we do offer is a warm, welcoming space filled with nature-based play, creative messes, and a teacher who knows how to set firm, loving limits with a smile and a silly voice.
If you’re looking for a preschool in Olympia where your child will be respected, guided, and gently wrangled with both love and leadership, we’d love to meet you.
📩 Email us today to set up a tour. Grow@EvergreenExplorersPreschool.com
☕ (Bonus: We’ll probably have coffee.)
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